I found my old jeans - Long post...ya'll know me...lol
You know the jeans I told you all that I had in High school that I kept forever in hopes of one day being able to fit back in them. Its funny because those mofos are not as small as I thought they were. 
They are a size 32 in the waist. I guess that's like a 14 or so. I could have swore they were a 10-12 or much smaller when I was MUCH MUCH larger. I don't know what I was thinking because I have always been large. Its funny how clothes look either so tiny or so much bigger in our minds...depending upon how they fit. When I tried them on the last time.....they looked so tiny ...I couldn't pull them up past my thighs...it depressed me to no end. When I found them....at first I did not think that they were the ones when they were folded. Then I unfolded them and saw the pleats that I loved so much in the front..."YEAH...these are them!!!", I said in elation to myself. I flapped them out with excitement making a light wind blow up against my face...and then I held them up to the light............. those mofos looked huge!!! 
I tried them on and they fit..... with a tiny room to spare...just a tiny....
I guess some or most of our minds will never be right when it comes to body image. Those body image distortions are a a b*tch! Any who... I thought I would be much happier but you know what...I threw them mofos in the trash....messed up the dream I have been holding onto for all these years...hummphhh
. If it were not for this stomach of mine...I would be in that 10-12...even though I still feel like a HOUSE! 
I'll get there.
On a more positive note, I am jumping back on the accountability train. I will have very few words though...cause right now...I want desperately to walk the walk and not talk the talk. Its getting nice out and I have already started to sport my shorts, sundresses and the like....need to give the rest of this excess body fat the boot.
The one thing that I told myself that I would do regardless of how I am feeling each day...is put my make-up on if I am leaving the house for whatever reason. I don't care if I am going to wash the car. Has nothing to do with me caring about who I might run into....It just makes me feel more positive. It just does something positive to my spirit when I take the time to show myself some care and attention even when I know I don't have too. I notice when I rush out...and have that I am just going to have a sweats & tshirt day today....my mind is lazy and I feel like a bum...negative...not good. in addition, I am not very productive.
I was also thinking about the things that I am grateful for in regards to my weight loss to get myself out of that negative mindset I had when I tried on those jeans on....I hope some of you will chime in and share too :
I am so grateful that I am no longer on diabetic meds and CPAP for my sleep apnea.
I am so grateful that I can walk and actually feel nothing rubbing or burning a friction fire inside thighs! I used to think about Parliament's lyrics whenever my legs used to rub together...ain't that a *****it annoyed me so bad that I actually had a song in my head as I was walking in agony
:
Microbiologically speaking,
When I start churnin', burnin' and turnin'
I'll make your atoms move so fast
Expandin' your molecules
Causing a friction fire
Burnin' you on your neutron
Causing you to scream
"Hit me in the proton, BABY!"
I am grateful that I am more confident in myself...that I can walk with my head up....I was never a fat yet confident person unless I was on a job interview or otherwise needed to front ....then my arse acted my butt off to get the job or whatever else I might want.
I wish I could have been that person....nothing worse than not liking yourself. We have to like and love ourselves first...took me a long time to get to that point...and the weigh loss had nothing to do with it.....was not until I started to really care about and love myself that I started to lose the weight again.
I am grateful that I can wear cute shoes and not just those made my Payless or Dr. Scholls....because I knew that I would have them leaning to the sides within a few weeks anyway.
I am grateful that I can run with my kids...and even catch them without getting all out of breathe with them laughing afterwards that I couldn't catch them.
I am grateful that I found my hips,...yes there are still some love handles there....still don't know what there is to love about those....but anyway....I actually have a figure.... its feminine and it feels like me. I never felt like myself before. I felt like I was wearing this horrible costume....however...my arse could not unzip that mofo and just step out....
Yes...I used to wish I could be genie...and blink my dayum eyes..open them and the fat would be gone.....always a rude awakening when I peeped out my eyelids...
Yep...still fat and unhealthy.
Yes...most important of all....I am grateful for my improved overall well-being. Still have issues....who doesn't BUT I feel full of life, hope and energy today. I remember the days when I used to pull the covers over my head in the middle of the day and not even have a desire to venture outside of them for days at a time. Wow.....who was that person?
Speak on it BAF....what are you grateful for today?
They are a size 32 in the waist. I guess that's like a 14 or so. I could have swore they were a 10-12 or much smaller when I was MUCH MUCH larger. I don't know what I was thinking because I have always been large. Its funny how clothes look either so tiny or so much bigger in our minds...depending upon how they fit. When I tried them on the last time.....they looked so tiny ...I couldn't pull them up past my thighs...it depressed me to no end. When I found them....at first I did not think that they were the ones when they were folded. Then I unfolded them and saw the pleats that I loved so much in the front..."YEAH...these are them!!!", I said in elation to myself. I flapped them out with excitement making a light wind blow up against my face...and then I held them up to the light............. those mofos looked huge!!! I tried them on and they fit..... with a tiny room to spare...just a tiny.... I guess some or most of our minds will never be right when it comes to body image. Those body image distortions are a a b*tch! Any who... I thought I would be much happier but you know what...I threw them mofos in the trash....messed up the dream I have been holding onto for all these years...hummphhh
. If it were not for this stomach of mine...I would be in that 10-12...even though I still feel like a HOUSE! I'll get there. On a more positive note, I am jumping back on the accountability train. I will have very few words though...cause right now...I want desperately to walk the walk and not talk the talk. Its getting nice out and I have already started to sport my shorts, sundresses and the like....need to give the rest of this excess body fat the boot.
The one thing that I told myself that I would do regardless of how I am feeling each day...is put my make-up on if I am leaving the house for whatever reason. I don't care if I am going to wash the car. Has nothing to do with me caring about who I might run into....It just makes me feel more positive. It just does something positive to my spirit when I take the time to show myself some care and attention even when I know I don't have too. I notice when I rush out...and have that I am just going to have a sweats & tshirt day today....my mind is lazy and I feel like a bum...negative...not good. in addition, I am not very productive.
I was also thinking about the things that I am grateful for in regards to my weight loss to get myself out of that negative mindset I had when I tried on those jeans on....I hope some of you will chime in and share too :
I am so grateful that I am no longer on diabetic meds and CPAP for my sleep apnea.
I am so grateful that I can walk and actually feel nothing rubbing or burning a friction fire inside thighs! I used to think about Parliament's lyrics whenever my legs used to rub together...ain't that a *****it annoyed me so bad that I actually had a song in my head as I was walking in agony
:Microbiologically speaking,
When I start churnin', burnin' and turnin'
I'll make your atoms move so fast
Expandin' your molecules
Causing a friction fire
Burnin' you on your neutron
Causing you to scream
"Hit me in the proton, BABY!"
I am grateful that I am more confident in myself...that I can walk with my head up....I was never a fat yet confident person unless I was on a job interview or otherwise needed to front ....then my arse acted my butt off to get the job or whatever else I might want.
I wish I could have been that person....nothing worse than not liking yourself. We have to like and love ourselves first...took me a long time to get to that point...and the weigh loss had nothing to do with it.....was not until I started to really care about and love myself that I started to lose the weight again. I am grateful that I can wear cute shoes and not just those made my Payless or Dr. Scholls....because I knew that I would have them leaning to the sides within a few weeks anyway.
I am grateful that I can run with my kids...and even catch them without getting all out of breathe with them laughing afterwards that I couldn't catch them.
I am grateful that I found my hips,...yes there are still some love handles there....still don't know what there is to love about those....but anyway....I actually have a figure.... its feminine and it feels like me. I never felt like myself before. I felt like I was wearing this horrible costume....however...my arse could not unzip that mofo and just step out....
Yes...I used to wish I could be genie...and blink my dayum eyes..open them and the fat would be gone.....always a rude awakening when I peeped out my eyelids...Yep...still fat and unhealthy.Yes...most important of all....I am grateful for my improved overall well-being. Still have issues....who doesn't BUT I feel full of life, hope and energy today. I remember the days when I used to pull the covers over my head in the middle of the day and not even have a desire to venture outside of them for days at a time. Wow.....who was that person?
Speak on it BAF....what are you grateful for today?
LEE
on 5/25/10 2:41 am
on 5/25/10 2:41 am
First all I have to say that I am grateful that I read this post because it made me think this morning of things that I forgot that I am grateful everyday and for just this week.
I am so grateful that I have a spouse who has had a bypass also and understands the idiosyncrasies that comes with having WLS, and understand the whole scope of being overweight.
I am grateful that even though I am losing really slowly, I am losing weight and i'm able to fit into some clothes I haven't been able to in a long time.
I am grateful that I don't have all the horrible health problems I suffered prior to WLS.
I am grateful that even though I injured my knee and won't be able to run the June 6 marathon, I can still walk, which I know would have been impossible if I were still fat.
I am grateful that I can travel without having to deal or worry about bad health and emergency services, or handicap provisions.
I am grateful that my inhaler has been sitting in the bottom of my backpack and the last time I saw it, it was full of dust.
Right now today I am grateful I can see my cheek bones again, they make me so happy. I know that sounds stupid but they make me smile and giggle.
I am grateful that I don't have to experience this peri-menopause **** as a fat person, which I hear makes it even worse, and lord knows it's bad enough.
I am grateful that Becca and I are happy with each other, we were happy fat but we were also sad because we said many times, "we are killing ourselves," now we have replaced that with "we ar living."
Damit you got me crying. BYE
I am so grateful that I have a spouse who has had a bypass also and understands the idiosyncrasies that comes with having WLS, and understand the whole scope of being overweight.
I am grateful that even though I am losing really slowly, I am losing weight and i'm able to fit into some clothes I haven't been able to in a long time.
I am grateful that I don't have all the horrible health problems I suffered prior to WLS.
I am grateful that even though I injured my knee and won't be able to run the June 6 marathon, I can still walk, which I know would have been impossible if I were still fat.
I am grateful that I can travel without having to deal or worry about bad health and emergency services, or handicap provisions.
I am grateful that my inhaler has been sitting in the bottom of my backpack and the last time I saw it, it was full of dust.
Right now today I am grateful I can see my cheek bones again, they make me so happy. I know that sounds stupid but they make me smile and giggle.
I am grateful that I don't have to experience this peri-menopause **** as a fat person, which I hear makes it even worse, and lord knows it's bad enough.
I am grateful that Becca and I are happy with each other, we were happy fat but we were also sad because we said many times, "we are killing ourselves," now we have replaced that with "we ar living."
Damit you got me crying. BYE
Salty Pickle a.k.a. Lee
Ohhhh Lee...your whole list made me smile... Sometimes we just have to take a moment to realize just how truly blessed we are. Its so easy to beat ourselves up about some of our daily struggles....but there is no denying that we have came a long way! I know for me...Its nice to have tears of joy for a change... They are a lot better than those...."I am so fat and nobody loves me tears".... I shed many of those in my lifetime. Thanks so much for sharing.
Gyaaaaaat DAMN that was long as hell! But I feel you though. As hard as I am on myself I am definitely aware that I've come a long way. I think what I'm most grateful for is feeling more comfortable. I'm so comfortable in fact that I've almost forgotten how some things felt pre op. I'm still amazed at how much less room I take up and how much quicker I move.
I am one stealth *****
Just yesterday I was sitting in the middle of my bed legs crossed indian style, just chillin, inspecting my pedicure, leaning over the side of the bed to reach something, then it dawned on me that my air wasn't cut off and my legs were tightly folded, not just kinda crossed at my ankles like before. I thought about a time years ago sitting on the floor playing a game with my brother and his GF and I was sooooooooooooooo uncomfortable. It's just really nice to not feel miserable about the very thought of having to move around.
I am one stealth *****
Just yesterday I was sitting in the middle of my bed legs crossed indian style, just chillin, inspecting my pedicure, leaning over the side of the bed to reach something, then it dawned on me that my air wasn't cut off and my legs were tightly folded, not just kinda crossed at my ankles like before. I thought about a time years ago sitting on the floor playing a game with my brother and his GF and I was sooooooooooooooo uncomfortable. It's just really nice to not feel miserable about the very thought of having to move around.
It is never too late to be what you might have been
~George Eliot
...oh...leave me lone on my long windedness. Believe it or not...there was a time when I was scared to talk. When I finally broke my silence I was like heyl yeah....
I am gonna make up for lost time!!! Gurl...mos def is a wonderful feeling to see just how flexible our bodies can be. Sometimes I feel like a new born babe when I discover something new that I can do....like...putting my fingers around my wrist or scratching the middle of my own back with my hands and not up against a wall or a tree or something...lol! Sitting Indian style is the sh*iot....and being able to get up after sitting in such a position with out splitting the pants or cracking a fart...is even more rewarding! I have done both before when I was larger...should have kept my butt in the chair ....
Hi MD, and thanks for posting this. I needed something worthwhile to read and respond to today! I am grateful for so much, but here's a few in particular. I am grateful for:
A safe wls. I still hear the negative stories each time I share with someone who ask me how I took the weight. Once they've learned that I chose surgery, the horror stories are told of someone they knew that had died on the table! So I'm grateful that I survived the knife!
Supportive family and friends. Not all got on board, but know that the results are in, even the naysayers got quiet!
Being able to shop in the misses department right off the racks without even trying the garment on. It just fits now! I haven't been able to do that since college!
No more weight related health issues at all!
....And sooooo much more!
J
A safe wls. I still hear the negative stories each time I share with someone who ask me how I took the weight. Once they've learned that I chose surgery, the horror stories are told of someone they knew that had died on the table! So I'm grateful that I survived the knife!
Supportive family and friends. Not all got on board, but know that the results are in, even the naysayers got quiet!
Being able to shop in the misses department right off the racks without even trying the garment on. It just fits now! I haven't been able to do that since college!
No more weight related health issues at all!
....And sooooo much more!
J
Yes Janice....that is so true about being grateful for a safe WLS. I was scared that I would not make it up off of that table...not gone lie. The best feeling was waking up and saying, "is it over already?" Thanks for sharing....one of these days I will just go with the flow and buy something new without trying it on. I imagine that is a very freeing feeling to be able to JUST DO IT!
We must have been seperated at birth you and me. 
fan also and here you are quoting the lyrics from "Dr. Funkenstein." Go 'head, MD. Get on down wit yo bad self! Man Ay...I lubs my funk!!! I have all my old jams on my Ipod....they don't make music like that anymore....so I have to recycle...lol....AND THE BEAT GOES ON with Flash Light, Aqua Boogie Baby...loves my Cameo, Zap***** James..... I did have some good times growing up....and a lot of them centered around my music.
As always sweetie, your posts get me thinking. Sooooo to start...old clothes...I can't tell you how many times I have tried on something I've kept and drempt about getting into again, to only find out that it looks like sh*t when I finally got into it!! Makes me so mad!! But that's really a good thing. We change and grow and not just from a fashion standpoint, but from the standpoint of a woman. We are simply not the women we were when we bought that article of clothing so long ago. Even if it fit like a glove, it didn't fit my soul anymore. I was glad to let them go.
Regarding putting on makeup...excellent choice. As for me, I don't go to my mail box (at the end of my driveway) without make up on!!! I'd scare the neighbors if I did ( and there nice people)!! It does make you feel better about yourself, even if it's just mascara and lip gloss. You have to polish your stone, so good job!!
Now...what am I grateful for...the list is endless, truly. So I will simply say this...I am grateful for every moment good and bad, every breath no matter how difficult it was to take and every challenge, loss and failure because it made me lean on God not on myself, led me to my success and showed me *****ally loved me and *****ally didn't. I'm grateful for my anointing. God gave me a beautiful voice and the ability to play instruments to which I will use to continually praise Him. I'm so grateful for my baby girl. She is my soul reincarnate and my mother who truly is my best friend. But more than it all, I'm grateful that I am saved and spirit filled and a child of the most high God...truly. Without Him, I would not be..period.
...and I have a nice ass....
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